Just over a month ago I sent out a survey asking people what their biggest question was about communication, conflict resolution, and intimacy. There were several answers that I’ll be addressing over the next couple of months, but overwhelmingly the biggest question was, “How do I tell my spouse something difficult without either making them angry or hurting their feelings?” It’s interesting that such a broad question could be asked and 1/4th of the people would answer with nearly the same words. It goes to show you just how often marriages are affected by this very concern.
Most of us do what we can to avoid conflict in our marriage. Nobody likes the idea of being at odds with the person they share a bed with. But because of our gender differences, personality differences, or differences in our behaviors or core beliefs; conflict is an inevitable part of marriage. Luckily, you can learn some ways to have hard conversations that will not necessarily lead to conflict. And, when it’s avoidable, not fighting will always win out over having an argument.
Keep Reading »
Fun Fact: Did you know that some research says that women need to say almost 3 times as many words as men do in a single day? Not only that, but the male brain is not wired to hear all of the words his wife needs to say. Sounds pretty challenging, right? Don’t worry though, it really is possible to communicate well with your spouse. Watch below for some quick tips.
The last one is really important! It’s easy to get upset or get our feelings hurt when we think we’re not being heard. Keep in mind that the reasons for this could be that your brains (and therefore how you view the world) are really different from one another. Learn to pull on the strengths that you each have and take joy in your differences!
Where is one area that you and your spouse struggle to communicate well?
One of my favorite things to talk about is how different men and women are and how those differences can really be seen in our communication patterns. Communication is so difficult for most couples, that basically everyone I’ve ever seen has listed “difficulty with communication” as one of the bigger problems they have. And, this isn’t just true of people I work with. Even as a counselor my husband and I have our fair share of communication difficulties.
Dr. Amen, a psychiatrist that specializes in diagnosing mental health conditions through brain scans, has research to show that men and women really are wired differently. These differences have the potential to cause miscommunication and upset feelings. But here’s the good news. Once you know that the differences exist, they are so much easier to navigate!
Before we get started though, check out this short video. It’s under 2 minutes long!!!
Keep Reading »
Sit on back, grab a cup of your favorite tea, and join me on this little trip down memory lane to see how an unnecessary and expensive teapot helped me and my hubby learn to communicate better.
First, a bit of background information. In 2012, Jacob and I decided to move from Virginia, where we were both finishing school, to Texas, so Jacob could get to know my family better. We did a little cost/benefit analysis for several situations and decided our best bet was to sell everything, save as much money as possible, and take the leap of faith that we’d have jobs soon after our move.
By the way, when I say sell ALL of our stuff, I really mean it. We even sold our cars. We took with us only what fit in a couple of carry-on bags, a couple of checked bags, and a few boxes of books and pictures that we mailed to my parent’s home before moving and hopped on a plane.
Remember the goal here – get rid of unnecessary stuff and save a lot of money to prepare for a big move.
Be careful of communicating with one another when you’re tired, moody, or sick.
Keep Reading »