My Husband Won’t Have Sex With Me

Family Life Canada
June 15, 2017

Did you know that in about 1/3 of marriages, the wife has the higher sex drive? And while that isn’t always necessarily a problem for the wife to have the higher drive, those women who find that their husbands rarely engage them in a sexual relationship can become depressed or suffer from low self-esteem.

What a woman believes about her husband’s lack of desire for her can can determine how she sees the relationship as a whole. It’s important for wives to understand that there can be several reasons why their husband may not be interested in sex.

In the article above (click the title above or click here), I wrote about several reasons why men may not want to have sex, and none of them have to do with pornography or affairs. If you are wondering why your husband hasn’t been as responsive to you as you would like him to be, I encourage you to read the article. Jump back on here afterward and let me know your thoughts.

What have you heard is the primary reason that a husband may have lost his sex drive?

How To Have The Sex Talk…With Your Spouse

Happy couple smiling at one another

When is the last time you heard some information about sex that gave you insight into your spouse’s desires in the bedroom? For most couples, this information comes from anywhere but their own marriages. We read blogs, listen to podcasts, watch TV and movies, and look at the headlines of magazines as we wait in line to buy groceries. But, an overwhelmingly small number of couples actually talk about their own sexual desires with one another. This is disappointing, because I really believe Christians should have a fulfilling sex life.

Talking about sex is hard!

One of the reasons struggle with this talk is because we’re under the impression that sex should come fairly easy for couples that love one another. Newlywed couples expect that they are the only one’s that have problems. Those married for a while start to believe that an unsatisfying sex life is such a norm for them that they have no expectations for change. Both of these situations makes the sex talk hard.

You’re not alone if you want sex to be more enjoyable than it currently is but you just don’t know how to bring yourself to express those desires. We all have a tendency to run and hide when it’s time to face a difficult conversation. We get in patterns where it is much easier to hide from the rejection we’re sure we’ll face if we honestly talk about our needs and desires in the marriage. This is especially true when it comes to sex. But, couples that are able to talk openly about their sexual relationship report a higher level of marital satisfaction and closeness. What a good reason to have that uncomfortable conversation!

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Been a While? How to Recharge Your Sex Life

It may seem a little strange to have a blog on a marriage site about returning to sex when it’s been a while, but  many, many couples report that they have little to no sex in their marriage. This can be the case for several reasons; chronic illness that makes sex difficult or painful, emotional pains in the relationship, busy schedules, or a lack of attraction for one another.

Eventually, most couples who are not having sex would like to start having sex. But, even when both feel that way it can be difficult to get started on their journey to intimacy. Here are just  few tips to make that easier.

Start with talking about sex:

Couples often struggle to be honest with one another about their marital intimacy. It can feel incredibly intimidating to tell your spouse, “I’m not happy with our sex life.” This is even more difficult for couples who don’t talk about other areas of pain within the marriage. Even so, I encourage you to speak both truthfully and gently with your spouse.

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The Hitch Fix Podcast

Millennials for Marriage
Feb. 16, 2017

My friends over at Millennials for Marriage recently released their podcast. They interviewed me for episode number two where I talked to them about pornography and sexual addiction.

Here are a couple of the big points:

  1. Pornography use does not automatically mean that somebody is a sex addict.
  2. Sex addiction really does exist.
  3. There are resources available to you if you are struggling with pornography use (addictive or not).
  4. Even if your pornography use is not at an addictive level, there is no place for porn in the Christian marriage.

For more, check out the podcast and consider subscribing so you’ll know when they release more. Their mission is to equip millennials for marriage, but you don’t have to be a millennial to get great information from them. Listen to the podcast and hear their heart to understand why all married Christians should be concerned about millennials’ views of marriage.

Once you’ve listened to the podcast come back here to leave a comment.

Be blessed!

The Insider Scoop: What really happens in a sex therapist’s office!

Couple in counseling

I chose to study about sex therapy for a couple of reasons; my own brokenness and the brokenness of others. I truly believe that God can cover our hurts and imperfections and allow us to rest in the peace that through Christ we are redeemed. Even when I get the opportunity to share those points with others, it isn’t at all unusual for people to wonder just exactly what happens in the office of a sex therapist, especially the office of a Christian sex therapist. While, I’ve written before about what you might learn in sex therapy, I thought it would be helpful to also explain the basic process.

Like before, I’m going to give a bit of a disclaimer. It takes quite a bit of time and work to actually get certified as a sex therapist. I’m doing my certification through the American Board of Christian Sex Therapists, but I’m not completely through the process. So while I have more training in this area than many of the therapists I know, I’m not a certified sex therapist yet. And…disclaimer over!

The DEC-R Model

The process of sex therapy can be explained through the acronym, DEC-R: Dialogue, Education, Coaching, and Referral. This isn’t a linear process and you’ll likely notice that we move from one domain to the next quite fluidly, going back and forth to each one until you’ve finished the process of therapy.

Dialogue:

Part of my job, for anyone who works with me, is just to make the entire process of talking about sexual issues easier. Most people find it quite difficult to share their concerns or disappointment about their sexual lives with their spouse. I work with a couple to create a safe place to speak about sex. 

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