I had the opportunity recently to join Dr. Christine Bacon on her radio show, Breakfast With Bacon. We’ve had several great conversations, and most recently we talked specifically about hook-up culture and how the hook-up mindset is destroying marriages. You can listen in right here.
Basically, hook-up culture aims to have a no-strings attached sexual relationship. It’s similar to the old “friends with benefits” that some couples try.
When is the last time you heard some information about sex that gave you insight into your spouse’s desires in the bedroom? For most couples, this information comes from anywhere but their own marriages. We read blogs, listen to podcasts, watch TV and movies, and look at the headlines of magazines as we wait in line to buy groceries. But, an overwhelmingly small number of couples actually talk about their own sexual desires with one another. This is disappointing, because I really believe Christians should have a fulfilling sex life.
Talking about sex is hard!
One of the reasons struggle with this talk is because we’re under the impression that sex should come fairly easy for couples that love one another. Newlywed couples expect that they are the only one’s that have problems. Those married for a while start to believe that an unsatisfying sex life is such a norm for them that they have no expectations for change. Both of these situations makes the sex talk hard.
You’re not alone if you want sex to be more enjoyable than it currently is but you just don’t know how to bring yourself to express those desires. We all have a tendency to run and hide when it’s time to face a difficult conversation. We get in patterns where it is much easier to hide from the rejection we’re sure we’ll face if we honestly talk about our needs and desires in the marriage. This is especially true when it comes to sex. But, couples that are able to talk openly about their sexual relationship report a higher level of marital satisfaction and closeness. What a good reason to have that uncomfortable conversation!
It may seem a little strange to have a blog on a marriage site about returning to sex when it’s been a while, but many, many couples report that they have little to no sex in their marriage. This can be the case for several reasons; chronic illness that makes sex difficult or painful, emotional pains in the relationship, busy schedules, or a lack of attraction for one another.
Eventually, most couples who are not having sex would like to start having sex. But, even when both feel that way it can be difficult to get started on their journey to intimacy. Here are just few tips to make that easier.
Start with talking about sex:
Couples often struggle to be honest with one another about their marital intimacy. It can feel incredibly intimidating to tell your spouse, “I’m not happy with our sex life.” This is even more difficult for couples who don’t talk about other areas of pain within the marriage. Even so, I encourage you to speak both truthfully and gently with your spouse.