How To Cope With Different Libidos in Marriage

Working Through The Desire Gap in a Christian Marriage

What is a desire discrepancy in marriage?

A desire discrepancy is when one spouse wants to be sexually intimate more often than the other spouse does. This can also be called a desire gap or differences in libido. I’ll use all of those terms interchangeably here.

Please know that all marriages will go through times where one spouse is more interested in sex than the other. In reality, that isn’t much of an issue as long as your norm isn’t one spouse feeling deprived. 

Christian sex therapists, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner have said that if sexual issues go on for too long, they can feel like 80% of the relationship. In other words, if this is a serious concern and it isn’t worked on, it can color the entire marriage. 

Having a healthy overall relationship means tackling issues before it feels like “80% of our problem.” Working on this part of your relationship will require working on all parts of the relationship.

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One of my long-term colleagues, Jessica Malone, will be joining me to talk to our military men and women about staying connected while one spouse is on deployment.

In her private practice, Spitfire Consulting, Jessica works with military personnel, their spouses, and their families to help them overcome the challenges of military lifestyle. You’re going to love her off the cuff humor and practical tips. Don’t miss this special event because it will only be available for one full week.

Join us live on Thursday, Feb. 15th, from 6-7 PM EST. And, if you can’t join live, register here to get the replay sent to your inbox.


Date:February 15, 2018—February 22, 2018
Time:6:00 - 7:00 PM
Event:Together While Separated: Staying Intimate During Deployment
Topic:Together While Separated: Staying Intimate During Deployment
Registration:Click here to register.

Ruth and I are excited to talk to you about marriage and sex.

Specifically, in Claiming the Gift of Sex, we’re going to talk about the reasons that God created sex and why the sexual connection is so important.

Join us and hear why differences between men and women exist and how those differences can enhance our relationship, how to distinguish truth from lies when it comes to healthy sexuality, and how understanding truth and healing of our sexual pasts can bring the freedom needed for an intimate connection.

God truly wants you to have a fulfilling sex life with your spouse and we know that this webinar will help you get there if you’ve been struggling.

Make it to the live event to ask any questions you have. And, if you can’t make it live, register here to have the recording sent to you.

NOTE: This event has ended, but you can watch the replay right here!

Date:February 1, 2018—February 7, 2018
Time:1:00 PM
Event:Claiming the Gift of Sex
Topic:Claiming the Gift of Sex
Registration:Click here to register.

I Wasn’t Pretty on my Wedding Day

How Vulnerability in Marriage Leads to Greater Intimacy

Wedding day pic looking out window in wedding dress

Vulnerability is defined as “being open for injury.” It doesn’t mean that injury must occur, but simply that you are not trying to protect yourself from being hurt. If someone had told me, “you’re going to feel vulnerable in marriage,”  I wouldn’t have believed it. And, since I didn’t know this truth, I wasn’t really prepared for the emotions that I felt on my wedding day. Especially not the feelings of “I’m not enough.”

My “not enough” moment came as my mom, my Aunt and my bridesmaids left the room one-by-one, and I stood alone for the first time that day looking at myself in the mirror. Instead of feeling beautiful (as I had always heard every woman does on her wedding day) I began to pick apart every piece of myself.

I thought: “Look at my hair! I shouldn’t have dyed it last week. It’s way too dark. And it doesn’t even look that primped. And my make-up! Why’d I choose to do it on my own? My arms are insanely skinny! And this dress. Why’d I choose this one? I can’t believe we spent so much money on a dress that doesn’t even look good.”

At that time, I had  a history of feeling like I didn’t make the mark somehow. It affected my relationship with others and my relationship with God. But on this day, it made me question if my soon-to-be husband was actually going to go through with this.

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