When is the last time you heard some information about sex that gave you insight into your spouse’s desires in the bedroom? For most couples, this information comes from anywhere but their own marriages. We read blogs, listen to podcasts, watch TV and movies, and look at the headlines of magazines as we wait in line to buy groceries. But, an overwhelmingly small number of couples actually talk about their own sexual desires with one another. This is disappointing, because I really believe Christians should have a fulfilling sex life.
Talking about sex is hard!
One of the reasons struggle with this talk is because we’re under the impression that sex should come fairly easy for couples that love one another. Newlywed couples expect that they are the only one’s that have problems. Those married for a while start to believe that an unsatisfying sex life is such a norm for them that they have no expectations for change. Both of these situations makes the sex talk hard.
You’re not alone if you want sex to be more enjoyable than it currently is but you just don’t know how to bring yourself to express those desires. We all have a tendency to run and hide when it’s time to face a difficult conversation. We get in patterns where it is much easier to hide from the rejection we’re sure we’ll face if we honestly talk about our needs and desires in the marriage. This is especially true when it comes to sex. But, couples that are able to talk openly about their sexual relationship report a higher level of marital satisfaction and closeness. What a good reason to have that uncomfortable conversation!
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It may seem a little strange to have a blog on a marriage site about returning to sex when it’s been a while, but many, many couples report that they have little to no sex in their marriage. This can be the case for several reasons; chronic illness that makes sex difficult or painful, emotional pains in the relationship, busy schedules, or a lack of attraction for one another.
Eventually, most couples who are not having sex would like to start having sex. But, even when both feel that way it can be difficult to get started on their journey to intimacy. Here are just few tips to make that easier.
Start with talking about sex:
Couples often struggle to be honest with one another about their marital intimacy. It can feel incredibly intimidating to tell your spouse, “I’m not happy with our sex life.” This is even more difficult for couples who don’t talk about other areas of pain within the marriage. Even so, I encourage you to speak both truthfully and gently with your spouse.
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Millennials for Marriage
Feb. 16, 2017
I recently finished reading Gary Thomas’ book, A Lifelong Love. The text at the bottom of the cover simply asks, “What if Marriage is About More Than Just Staying Together?”
One of the reasons I love this book is because Mr. Thomas beautifully expresses some of the same thoughts that I have. I’ve also written about marriage being about more than the feeling of being “in love” and believe with absolute certainty that feeling like you love your spouse or that you should stay committed to your marriage because of the Biblical principle to do so, simply isn’t enough to maintain a fulfilling marriage.
Before writing this book, Mr. Thomas also wrote the book Sacred Marriage, where he discussed the truth that marriage wasn’t designed to make us happy as much as it was to make us holy. And while I loved that book also, I felt that it was somewhat limited in not describing how we can also be happy in marriage. This newest book, A Lifelong Love, does a fantastic job of also showing that we can be happy – truly happy, in marriage when we practice the simple principle of loving well.
In chapter ten, Mr. Thomas talks about the importance of building true intimacy in marriage. He says, “…a good marriage isn’t something you find; it’s something you make, and you have to keep on making it.” I agree 100% with this statement. It isn’t always easy, but making your marriage good should definitely be a priority.
I encourage you to grab a copy of Mr. Thomas’ book, A Lifelong Love. I truly believe it will bless you and your marriage.
My prayer for you is that you do indeed have a lifelong love in your spouse!
Blessings on you and your marriage,
Sit on back, grab a cup of your favorite tea, and join me on this little trip down memory lane to see how an unnecessary and expensive teapot helped me and my hubby learn to communicate better.
First, a bit of background information. In 2012, Jacob and I decided to move from Virginia, where we were both finishing school, to Texas, so Jacob could get to know my family better. We did a little cost/benefit analysis for several situations and decided our best bet was to sell everything, save as much money as possible, and take the leap of faith that we’d have jobs soon after our move.
By the way, when I say sell ALL of our stuff, I really mean it. We even sold our cars. We took with us only what fit in a couple of carry-on bags, a couple of checked bags, and a few boxes of books and pictures that we mailed to my parent’s home before moving and hopped on a plane.
Remember the goal here – get rid of unnecessary stuff and save a lot of money to prepare for a big move.
Be careful of communicating with one another when you’re tired, moody, or sick.
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