For Husbands: Help when your wife is infertile

This post was originally shared on as a guest post for him. It has been edited slightly to no longer reference Infertility Awareness Week which was occurring when it was originally shared. Check out Dr. Corey’s page for more articles on marriage and sexuality.

Being the girly girl that I am, I typically write for the wife or the couple. It is rare for me to write only to the husband, and in fact this may be the first time. Makes you feel pretty special, doesn’t it? Today husbands, this post is specifically for you and all about how to really help your wife during the journey of infertility.

To do so, I’m giving you the completely female look at infertility so your wife will make a little more sense right now. But, let’s be honest. Sometimes we females just don’t make sense, not even to ourselves. Your need to search out the great mysteries of the beautiful wonder you call your wife is actually quite similar to our need to search out the mysteries of God. So, the most important point in this article is to remember just that – God has designed you, your wife, and your marriage to help you understand more about Him, His undying and all consuming love, and his eternal grace that is very much alive in the present.

And now, let’s take time to really think about the issue of infertility and how your wife is being affected. For most men, “trying for a baby” simply means having sex with no protection. But, for many women, trying to get pregnant includes looking at fertility charts online, joining groups about trying to conceive (TTC), changing the diet, exercising, and making sure she seduces you while she’s ovulating. We women have a tendency to make everything a chore and work ourselves to the bone. Trying to have a baby is often no different.

At some point, the emotions start. Now, like I said before, we women don’t even fully understand ourselves. We may feel like we need a good cry just because if feels good to do so. I understand this will never fully make sense, but please trust me when I tell you that it really can feel amazing to purposely watch a sappy movie, curl up in pajamas, and cry while downing some chocolate brownie ice cream.

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When Fertile Myrtle Meets Barren Bertha

Help for talking to your infertile friend

April 24th-30th of 2016 is National Infertility Awareness Week.

I’m not 100% sure how I feel about that because I can guarantee you those struggling with infertility hardly need a full week to be aware of it. Kidding! I know the week isn’t for me, but for my friends, family, and possibly even colleagues that don’t understand the struggle. This is a week for me to share some of my story so you’ll know how to talk to me.
I’m supposed to teach you things like:

  • 1-8 couples struggle with infertility (chances are you know someone even if they haven’t told you yet)
  • If you are under the age of 30 and you’ve been trying for a year unsuccessfully to conceive, then you should seek the help of a doctor.
  • If you’re older than 30, you should only wait 6 months of “trying” before seeing a doctor.
  • Infertility is costly (financially and emotionally)

There are plenty of blogs that talk about all of the above and plenty that give you the details on what you should and shouldn’t say to your infertile friend. But the truth is, the journey of infertility is so different for every couple that you really do have to ask your friend how to best to talk to her.

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Waiting While You Wait – A Story of Infertility

Believe it or not, I used to be a band nerd. Yup…cute lil ol’ me. Huge band nerd. And even though I’m small, I played the bass drum (which pretty much took up my entire body) and the snare drum. Okay…so that’s not all that nerdy, but I played cymbals my first year. And if that wasn’t enough to classify me as a bit of a nerd, I was really bad at ALL of it. Seriously! I was actually asked on multiple occasions to just pretend that I was playing because I was so off beat I’d mess up the rest of the band. Crazy that one off-beat drummer could mess up an entire band.

Anyway…there was all this pressure on the drum team to be the “heartbeat of the band.” We were expected to be in position before the rest of the band and often had to stand “at the ready” before anyone else. We also had this motto in place: “Hurry up and wait.” The idea was that as a drum line we had to be ready constantly, even when doing nothing. “Hurry up. Get where you need to be. Wait until I tell you to move again.”

It’s actually a little bit amazing how often that has been a motto for my life. “Do this, do that, then wait” or in the case of infertility – wait, wait, wait, then wait a little bit longer. Of course, in the midst of “the wait” there has been plenty of try this and try that along the way. 

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